“When?”
“Rachel—”
“When, Paul? Because your brother has been living here for three months.”
He flinched.
“We were trying to work things out.”
“And I wasn’t allowed to know?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then explain what you meant.”
His eyes filled.
For the first time since he walked through the door, some of my anger loosened enough for me to see how frightened he was.
But I was too hurt to rescue him from the conversation.
Paul sat down.
“I saw Lily before you did.”
Nobody spoke.
“Daniel sent me a picture when they moved back.”
His voice broke.
“When I saw her face, I felt sick.”
I closed my eyes.
Paul continued.
“She looked so much like Maggie. Not exactly. But enough.”
He wiped his face.
“I couldn’t breathe, Rachel.”
Anger and sympathy fought inside me.
“I thought if you saw her without warning, it would destroy you.”
I stared at him.
“But I did see her.”
“I know.”
“And then I came home and told you there was a girl in my classroom who looked like our daughter.”
“I know.”
“And you let me think grief was making me imagine things.”
“I thought you’d eventually stop noticing the resemblance.”
The room went quiet.
“I was trying to protect you,” he whispered.
Something in me hardened.
“No.”
Paul looked up.
“You were trying to control what happened.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“You decided what truth I could handle.”
“I lost Maggie too!”
His voice finally rose.
Everyone froze.
Paul pressed both hands against his face.
“Do you think looking at Lily didn’t tear me apart? Do you think I didn’t see Maggie too?”
My anger softened, but only slightly.
“I know you did.”
“Then why are you treating me like I wanted to hurt you?”
“I’m not.”
I pointed toward Lily.
“I’m angry because your fear didn’t only affect me.”
Paul followed my gaze.
Lily’s eyes were swollen from crying.
“You left a sixteen-year-old girl trapped inside an adult secret.”
“I never asked her to keep anything from you.”
Lily spoke before I could.
“You didn’t have to.”
Paul went completely still.
She pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her hands.
“Dad told me not to interfere. You knew who I was. Mrs. Harris didn’t.”
She looked at Paul.
“Every day, I had to decide what I was allowed to say.”
